IGBA: Inappopriately Groped By Adoption

You probably won’t appreciate what comes next until you read this article*: Who Will Fill The Empty Cribs?

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“International adoptions are on the decline, despite growing demand and an endless supply of orphans.” [Snark Decoder: Your bath is ready, Lady Bathory...] 

“After decades of nonstop growth, the international adoption mill has begun to stall.” [Snark Decoder: Bring in animal control...we got ourselves a situation here.]

“…resurgent national pride…” [Snark Decoder: I thought we had broken their will long ago; send in the marines!]

“…The supply of adoptable children is drying up.” (Peter F. Selman, demographer, Newcastle University) [Snark Decoder: Quick! Till this field of flesh and let's sow the seeds of misery. We will not stop until everyone gets a baby!]

“…the need for intercountry adoption…remains vital in many parts of the developing world that are not prospering…” [Snark Decoder: Leave the Mother; take the Baby]

“The fear of many adoption experts, particularly in the West, is that these rules [the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption] may prove so rigorous and indiscriminate that they will severely curtail international adoption as a vital escape route for children in troubled regions.” [Snark Decoder: Those black devils eat their own, you know. It's true; I read it in an agency brochure.]

“Supplies are dwindling from countries that have traditionally provided the majority of children for international adoptions.” [Snark Decoder: Get your orphan now, while supplies last! They're adaptable, so adoptable! Cut, stretch or squeeze 'em! We guarantee their durability, or your money back!]

“No country better illustrates the system’s potential for abuse than Guatemala, which had become a favorite of anxious adoptive parents, especially from America. They were drawn by the few-questions-asked system that dispatched infants in a matter of months. Gays, singles and unmarried couples were welcome. Inspired by the lack of regulations, a ruthless class of jaladoras (pullers) began trolling the city slums and impoverished countryside, sometimes buying babies cheap (or, allegedly, stealing them) and selling them dear. Foreigners shelled out upwards of $35,000 for a Guatemalan waif, with shadowy foster homes and crooked bureaucrats playing midwife to the exchange.” [Snark Decoder: Couldn't have summed it up better myself.]

“”Everyone wants a blue-ribbon baby, not the 4-year-old with AIDS, or the 10-year-old with one leg,” says Selman. Some adoptive parents struggle to find effective treatments for their children’s ills; others seek to give them up. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recently found that 81 children adopted overseas were relinquished to foster-care agencies in 14 states in 2006.” [Snark Decoder: Hell, Selman, you don't even have to be physically handicapped; your adoptive parents can just make shit up about you and leave your ass behind! Just ask Jade.]

“In the vast majority of cases, however, foreign adoptions are successful.” [Snark Decoder: As long as you keep your eyes, ears and mouth closed, kid.]

“Celebrity adoptions like those by Madonna and Angelina Jolie have certainly raised the continent’s profile.” [Snark Decoder: Dark Continent meet your masters..er, I mean, your saviors.]

 *Hat tip to Harlow’s Monkey